In France, they don’t say ‘I Love You’. They say instead “cet homme a volé un peu de pain et je vais le chasser pour le reste de sa vie avant de sortir avec lui, je veux dire le mettre en prison”
(via cantevenbareit)
cosmo sex tip #645
When she sees your dick for the first time look her dead in the eye and say “it glows blue when orcs are close”
(Source: assistantt0theregionalmanager, via cantevenbareit)
i don’t understand people who are against gay marriage and use the statement “i just couldn’t see myself marrying someone of the same sex” well 1) fucking duh you’re straight and 2) gay marriage isn’t about you special snowflake.
(via cantevenbareit)
if you’re gay and someone asks you who the man in your relationship is
just look up at the sky and go
‘it’s jesus
jesus is our man’
(Source: anklegators, via cantevenbareit)
i was just out taking a walk and some woman slowly stopped her car next to me and she was all like “excuse me” and i was freakin out like oh my god she’s going to kill me or ask for directions or something, my life is over, and she was like “take this” and she handed me a 10 dollar bill and she was like “get yourself a haircut so you can get a job you fucking hippie” i’m laaughing so hard i am a 16 year old girl this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me
(via cantevenbareit)
